highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
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You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
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Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
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