Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
