eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
