I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
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She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
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Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
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