Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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