Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
FUCK WHALES
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
