She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
