Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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