Welp...herpes.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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