And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
