I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Randomize
