Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
