Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
