Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
