you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
