That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
My balls are so social today.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
