a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Randomize
