I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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