you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Randomize
