Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
