Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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