Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
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