I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
