I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
