Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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