you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
