I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
