please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
