he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I need to calm my uterus...
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
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