I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
