Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
