The beer is more important than you right now.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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