Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
