Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
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