Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
oh god the rape fog is back!
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Found your dick twin last night
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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