similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
