i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
