Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
