I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Randomize
