I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
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