The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Pooping to opera.
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