i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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