I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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