Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
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