Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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