Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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