hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
