What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Ladies don't puke and tell
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
