My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
