1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
