Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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