I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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