Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
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His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
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I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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