Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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