I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
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What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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