Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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