so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
