after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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