Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
this just has baby written all over it
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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