okay pat passed out under dana's car
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
