I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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