well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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