hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
OPIZZABONMYDICK
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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