She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
