get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
