well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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