I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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