This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
