Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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