Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
